If a man dies, shall he live again? All the days of my service I will wait for my renewal to come (Job 14:14).
Rebecca Groothuis, wife of Doug Groothuis, died yesterday. She was suffering from dementia.
When a loved one faces a life-threatening condition, there are two possible outcomes: recovery or death. Depends on the condition.
Suppose a loved one is diagnosed with cancer. Suppose it has an iffy prognosis, on the knife-edge. You don't know if they will beat the cancer or the cancer will beat them. A family caregiver goes through that ordeal with them day in and day out. A draining experience but a bonding experience. If they recover, that's a rewarding experience.
But if they die, the surviving family member is damaged. They shared that ordeal, but there's no emotional compensation. Their loved one put the ordeal behind them (if they go to heaven), but the surviving family member is left holding a fistful of dust. They went through the ordeal together, but the survivor lost them anyway. Nothing to show for the wrenching emotional investment.
In that event, the only emotional healing awaits the death of the family caregiver. Heavenly reunion. If both survive, there's emotional healing; if both die, there's emotional healing; but when one is taken while the other is left behind, the heart aches and breaks.
Just in my own experience, I have found that the grief subsides and life goes on. It is different, and there is a void, but the pain goes away over time. There is dating, and there are feelings of love and affection. I never quite get Beth out of my mind, and I know there will be a reunion, but the strange thing is, I know I’m not married any more. Two years ago, I would have rebelled against that thought. Now, it’s just one more thing to puzzle over.
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