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Friday, April 26, 2013

Why I'm not a Muslim

This is why I’m not a Muslim:


I used to be a Muslim. I converted to Islam when I was 18. I was very devout. I repositioned my bed so that my feet weren’t facing Mecca. I learned to cuss in fluent Arabic. I abandoned my pet beagle. (Dogs are impure, you know.)

I emptied my Jack Daniels into the commode. I boycotted bacon, sausage, spare ribs, and hot dogs. I threw away my Havana cigars.

It was a great personal sacrifice. Well, admittedly there were some fringe benefits to my newfound faith. I could have as many concubines as I could afford to maintain.

Everything was going swell until I tried to discharge my sacred duty by performing the Hajj. I never got past customs at the King Abdulaziz International Airport.

Women were fainting right and left as I strolled down the concourse. Customs agents phoned the House of Saud. The king was terrified his harem girls would desert him for me.

They put me on a private jet and sent me straight home.

1 comment:

  1. Become a Christian. We could use your gifts. We'll make you a preacher or worship leader!!! *G*

    But "seriously" I think those Muslim men deported him because THEY'RE attracted to him and don't want the temptation. According to some reports, there's a lot more homosexuality than normally acknowledged in Muslims communities. If it's true, it makes some sense because there's so much segregation between men and women and the women are all covered up!

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