There's been a lot of talk lately about the high percentage of young people who support homosexual marriage. Think of how that percentage reflects on their parents, among other influences in their lives. Part of the reason why academia, the media, Hollywood, the music industry, and other sources have had so much influence on how young people view homosexuality is that parents and other alternative sources have had so little influence. How many men have been spending hours watching basketball this month, but haven't had a single discussion with their children about theological, political, ethical, or other more important issues, like homosexuality? How many fathers have never had such a discussion with their children about any such issue or have only done so rarely? We often hear about how important it is that parents spend time with their children. Fathers should attend a child's school play or take their son to a football game, for example. Or teach him how to cut the grass, how to shave, etc. Why is there so much emphasis placed on that sort of thing, but so little emphasis placed on the need for men to exercise intellectual leadership? Are you teaching your children not only what they should believe, but also why they should believe it, how to research an issue, how to respond to objections, how to interact with opposing positions, etc.? Are you setting aside time at the dinner table, during car rides, or in other contexts to do such things? If you don't shape the intellectual life of your children, who will?
Much the same can be said of how pastors influence congregations, how teachers influence students, etc. In other contexts, like with coworkers and friends, we have less of an opportunity to influence people, since we're not in a position of authority over them. Still, we have some influence. Whatever your context, are you making much of your opportunities to influence the people around you? Have you used the recent news stories about homosexual marriage to discuss homosexuality or this Easter season to discuss the evidence for Jesus' resurrection, for example? How many of these opportunities do you let pass by? Would we be seeing what we've seen with the cultural shift on homosexuality (as one example among many) if there wasn't widespread neglect in this area? Parents are the most guilty group of all, but there's a lot of blame to go around. Maybe you should be spending less time with basketball, television, and housework and more time doing other things.
Sounds reasonable, Jason, but things can be much more complex than that. I think you know enough of me to know how much value I place on an intellectual defense of the truth, and it's been my mission throughout their lives to arm my children with these defenses, with love and grace. But as they got older, my children became less and less willing to listen to me on these issues and at this time, none are walking in the truth and at least two of the three--I'm not sure about the third--consider my view of homosexuality bigoted and wrong. The reason I'm not sure about the third is that she's at the age where she's just beginning to "think for herself" (as the older two have described the process of rebellion against God) and her views don't seem to be formed yet.
ReplyDeleteAnd this is the case for a number of my closest friends' kids as well.
Granted, one could point to areas where each of us, as parents, have failed, but the truth is that some of these failures occurred before our children were even born and others were a failure of wisdom or courage only visible in retrospect. Perfect parents might produce perfect children, but as we know, both parents and children are sinful.
So we continue to pray for God's grace, and we try not to park ourselves in that place of guilt and regret.
Ree,
DeleteI'm not addressing parents whose instruction on these matters was rejected by their children. I'm addressing parents who do little or no instructing. Judging by the polling data I've seen, the cultural priorities reflected in popular literature, popular television, and other sources, etc., I suspect that the large majority of parents aren't doing much instructing. Your situation represents a small minority. To repeat an example I used above, I suspect that many men have been spending hours this month watching basketball while having little concern about something like discussing homosexual marriage or Jesus' resurrection with their children. When they think of fatherhood, they think far more of things like going to a child's sporting events or helping the child do his homework. Ethical instruction of the child doesn't go much beyond teaching him whatever the society of the day generally agrees about, and instructing a child about something like Christian doctrine or apologetics is highly unusual. Even if we set aside the truthfulness of Christianity for the sake of argument, most parents seem to be highly ignorant and apathetic about matters like politics and ethics. Most Americans can't even name the current vice president, for example. That's how little they know about politics. That's pathetic and inexcusable.
I'm not asking for "perfect children". I expect something better than mediocrity, but even mediocrity would be a major improvement over what we have now.
I don't expect you to "park [yourself] in that place of guilt and regret". But I do want most parents parked there. From what I know, you're not in the category I was addressing.
For the benefit of other readers, I should point out that, as far as I know, your husband isn't a Christian. Am I remembering that correctly? Thus, it's not as though your home represents both parents' doing what they ought to do as Christians. Even in cases where children reject the good parenting of two Christian parents, at least the good parenting is there. The children have to walk around that obstacle in order to go down the path of destruction. In most American homes, there is no obstacle. Instead, they're encouraged to walk down that path and are applauded as they do it.
Jason,
ReplyDeleteThanks for responding. You're right that my husband isn't a Christian and I agree that that's a fairly unusual circumstance, but that's not the case for the friends I referred to. In each of those cases, both parents are Christians. Granted, I can think of things that, perhaps, each could've done differently that may have led to a better outcome, but as did I, they certainly did take their responsibilities seriously.
In regard to your larger point, though, I guess it just feels too generalized to be saying much. As far as I can see, you're just making the point that you've often made that the population in general is intellectually shallow and with that I'd agree. But for those of us who do want to make the most of opportunities to discuss these things with others, my experience is that those others aren't willing to engage in these kinds of discussions with us.
Ree,
DeleteThe problem I'm referring to exists to different degrees in different places. If you and your friends are not only explaining to people what you believe as Christians, but also are presenting good arguments in support of those beliefs, I suspect that you're in a small minority. Most Americans can't even name the four gospels, the vast majority say that they believe in some form of justification through works, etc. Look at the polling data, time management studies, and other evidence along these lines that I've posted about in the past. Even if you limit yourself to conservative Evangelical web sites, for example, you often encounter a lot of anti-intellectualism, people who state what they believe without arguing for it when they're in contexts in which arguments are called for, etc. I've had some discussions at this blog with professing Christians who don't think apologetics has much or any value. And we get some readers who are atheists or non-professing-Christians of some other sort. Probably most of our readers are conservative Evangelicals with some interest in apologetics and other subjects of a more intellectual nature. But not all of them are, and what I said in the first post in this thread would be applicable to our conservative Evangelical readers to some extent. If my comments have little or no applicability to you and your friends, then you can take my post accordingly. But I think the vast majority of Americans, including most Evangelicals, are much worse off.
I suspect that one of the reasons why your children and your friends' children act the way you describe is that they so seldom encounter what you and your friends have given them. If your children want to pursue their sexual lusts, have fewer societal obstacles in their friendships, have fewer societal obstacles on their career path, etc., it's advantageous for them to take the more popular path of less resistance. But it wouldn't be such a popular path, and one of so much less resistance, if more parents were acting like you and your friends. Even without the cooperation of other parents, there's value in what you and your friends have done. You've placed a stone in your children's shoe. Their conscience won't be as settled as it otherwise would have been. If you've closed the intellectual pathway to unbelief for them, if they're choosing to reject Christianity on non-intellectual grounds, then they have less to fall back on in their attempts to justify their sin. And they have a better idea of where they need to go if they repent in the future.
I agree that my initial post was highly generalized. But I've gone into more detail in the past, and I mentioned a few specific examples in this thread (e.g., discussing homosexual marriage in response to the recent news stories about it, discussing evidence for Jesus' resurrection during the Easter season, finding more time to do these things by giving up other things, like watching basketball, which is a popular activity in the month of March). I could go into more detail, but I've already done that in other threads, and the details relevant to each individual will vary significantly.
Yes, I agree in regard to the unsettled consciences. I just pray God will speak to them through that.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, I appreciate your continued commitment to the truth and to Christian apologetics, Jason.
This generation of children are being raised by the first generations of adults who grew up with television. I remember having to tune in UHF carefully and still end up with snow. My kids know a hundred channels of cable TV. But I also know the affects of it on one's worldview and have taken measures to instruc my kids how to watch TV and discern whether something is true based on what they learn from the Bible. I didn't give them formal lessons with Bible studies geared to learning these things. I took what they've learned in church and at home in the Bible, sat with them while they watched TV, asked what seemed to them like simple or silly questions about what they were seeing and more recently as they have aged, informed them casually how various media is used to influence our thinking. I spend time with them, take them to cool places around the world (mission trips) where we get to ee how other people think from what they are told, so they trust me when I point out the poison in the world and innoculate them against it. I expect to be hated by the world for it and have told my kids that they will probably face persecution in the future for not buying the party line, just like the Bible says.
ReplyDeleteNow let's see how they handle college.