Satan v. Olson

    Satan

    Pandemonium

    Attorney for: Melvin Belli

    

    SUPERIOR COURT OF THE STATE OF TEXAS

    COUNTY OF MCLENNAN

    

    Satan                                         

    Plaintiff,

    

    v.

    

    Roger Olson

    Defendant

    

    

    CASE NO: 666

    

    COMPLAINT FOR DAMAGES

    (Defamation of Character)

    Plaintiff complains and for causes of action alleges as follows:

1. Plaintiff is an individual and is now, and at all times mentioned in this complaint was, a resident of Pandemonium. Plaintiff has worked as the Archfiend. Plaintiff has during all this time enjoyed a reputation for unrivaled perfidy, infamy, and iniquity, both generally and in his official occupation.

2. Defendant Roger Olson, is an individual and is now, and at all time mentioned in this complaint was, a resident of McLennan County, Texas.

3. On or about 2011, defendant published Against Calvinism, stating that God was even worse than the Devil.

4. The entire statement “The Calvinist God is worse than the Devil!” is false as it pertains to plaintiff. Plaintiff is a being than which no wickeder can be conceived. Plaintiff prides himself on his unspeakable evil.

5. The invidious comparison is defamatory on its face. It clearly exposes plaintiff to diminished contempt, ill-will, and obloquy.

6. As a proximate result of the above-described publication, plaintiff has suffered irreparable loss of professional ill-repute, and injury to his self-esteem. Plaintiff seeks punitive damages to the tune of hourly disemboweling defendant in ninth circle of hell.

    WHEREFORE, plaintiff demands judgment against defendant,

    and each of them, for:

    1. Compensatory damages according to proof;

    2. Punitive damages;

    3. Interest as allowed by law;

    4. Costs of suit; and

    5. Such other and further relief as this court may deem

    cruel and unusual.