One-stop chomping

To: Evan May

From: Steve Hays

Re: For your eyes only

I’m afraid our worst nightmare is coming true. Alan Kurschner is beginning to critique the amillennial deposit of faith. We need to take immediate measures before the damage is irreparable.

Perhaps we can tell Alan that New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary is prepared to offer Alan a professorship. That might lure him down from Jersey.

We can then take him to a smoke-filled sports bar in the French quarter where I’d bribe the waiter to slip a Mickey into Alan’s beer. I’ll make sure the trunk of my rental car is roomy enough to accommodate a former high school wrestler.

And I’m sure you must know of some gator-infested bayou in a remote location where the local wildlife will do the rest. One-stop shopping…or should I say, one-stop chomping?