April 3, 2011
In the year of our Underlord
Dear Wormwood,
Are you working any new recruits?
Sincerely,
–Screwtape
April 4, 2011
In the year of our Underlord
Dear Screwtape,
I had my sights set on Aztexan, but he recently swore that he’d never date an Arminian girl.
Sincerely,
–Wormwood
April 6, 2011
In the year of our Underlord
Dear Wormwood,
All our best apostates say they’d never date an Arminian girl. You need to break down their resistance one baby step at a time. Begin by planning in Aztexan’s mind a pragmatic distinction between the girls he’d date and the girls he’d marry.
Sincerely,
–Screwtape
April 17, 2011
In the year of our Underlord
Dear Screwtape,
I took your advice. Aztexan has now convinced himself that as long as he doesn’t marry an Arminian girl, might okay to take one out on the occasional date. However, he’s still afraid that this might be the first step on the slippery slope to perdition.
What should I do?
Sincerely,
–Wormwood
April 19, 2011
In the year of our Underlord
Dear Wormwood,
Plant in his mind the proud notion that dating an Arminian girl is a test of faith. If he is truly elect, he can withstand any excessive emotional attachments to her person.
Sincerely,
–Screwtape
May 2, 2011
In the year of our Underlord
Dear Screwtape,
Aztexan took a fancy to your idea. But before he could act on it he became unexpectedly infatuated with a wee pretty Covenanter at the church picnic. Love at first sight. You know how sentimental humans can be.
Is all hope of hopelessness now lost?
Sincerely,
Wormwood
May 4, 2011
In the year of our Underlord
Dear Wormwood,
You need to stiffen the competition. Up until now, “an Arminian girl” has simply been a blank abstraction to him. So when he goes to sleep, give him a picturesque premonition of a well-rounded Arminian cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys. That way, when we arrange a “chance” meeting in real life, she will truly be the girl of his dreams.
Sincerely,
–Screwtape
May 5, 2011
In the year of our Underlord
Dear Screwtape,
But how will I find a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader to play the part? Isn’t she out of his league?
Sincerely,
Wormwood
May 14, 2011
In the year of our Underlord
Dear Wormwood,
Sorry for the delay. I’ve been preoccupied with a nail-biting case. A Methodist minister was on the verge of switching to Presbyterianism. It was a close call, but we managed to lure him back into the sulfurous den of Arminius.
I wasn’t suggesting a real cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys. No, that’s why we have succubae. I’ve already asked the Home office to send me a seasoned temptress who’s got a good ear for local accents and dialects. She’ll be going by the name of Tina “Cupcake” Cantrell. Remember to whisper that to him in his sleep.
Sincerely,
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