In a fallen world, marriage is such a variable thing.
Some couples fall in love, then–over time–come to hate each other as deeply as they used to love each other.
Some couples have a marriage of convenience, but over time come to love each other.
In some marriages, one spouse is deeply in love with the other, but the feeling isn’t mutual.
Some couples fall in love, then out of love, then back in love.
Some couples always knew, from childhood on, who they were going to wed when they grew up. No one else was ever on the menu.
Some couples are madly in love on their wedding day, but it cools over time and they settle down to a working relationship.
Some men are never satisfied with one woman. They go from woman to woman, looking for something they never find–since the deficiency lies within themselves.
Some women walk out on good men while other women stand by wife-beaters and all-around losers.
Some widows and widowers remarry if their spouse dies.
Other widows and widowers visit the grave of their departed spouse every day. For them, marriage outlives the grave.
Some men and women remain single because they fell in love with someone they could never have.
Of course, if you're a fan of irony you could follow this up with a post on divorce =)
ReplyDeleteIt's hard for a single person to read a post like this and not come away feeling depressed or discouraged about marriage.
ReplyDelete"Some men and women remain single because they fell in love with someone they could never have."
ReplyDeleteWho told you!
CRAIG SOWDER SAID:
ReplyDelete"It's hard for a single person to read a post like this and not come away feeling depressed or discouraged about marriage."
Marriage is a gamble. You don't know how it will turn out. But in the providence of God, if you're conscientious in your choice of a mate, and if you're a conscientious spouse, then some good will come of your marriage. Some otherwise unobtainable good. For example, sometimes it's the blessing of children–even if things sour between husband and wife.
Marriage is a maturing experience. I hear some Christians object to getting married young because young folks lack the maturity for married life. Well, that may be true. But there's a catch. Nothing prepares you for marriage quite like marriage itself. There's no substitute for martial experience to prepare you for marriage.
There's no substitute for martial experience to prepare you for marriage.
ReplyDeleteThere's a Freudian slip if ever there was one.
You should probably, in the interest of fairness, have added that some marriages continue to be warm and romantic for as long as the couple lives. It's not that common, but it does still happen q;
I dunno...is it really that much of a coincidence that if you flip through the yellow pages, "martial arts" comes shortly after "marriage counseling"?
ReplyDeleteOf course, Dominic did bring martial experience to his marriage. So Dominic now has marital and martial experience alike!
ReplyDeleteI'd add the martial experience can come in handy in marriage. It helps you develop the reflexes necessary to duck all those flying pots and pans!
Dominic Bnonn Tennant said...
ReplyDelete"There's a Freudian slip if ever there was one."
Not Freudian, but Kabbalistic. You see, I was trying to make a subtle, esoteric point by inverting the order of the letters. It's code language for the initiates.
Of course, Dominic did bring martial experience to his marriage. So Dominic now has marital and martial experience alike!
ReplyDeleteIndeed. In fact, I met my wife at the martial arts school I help run.
I might add that just the other day I was forced to use my martial training for the purposes of domestic discipline. This is, of course, a relatively uncommon occurrence, as I am careful to keep an ordered household. I executed a throw over the knee following a close, which would, if completed, put my wife down on the back of her head. Of course, it was a move calculated purely to intimidate—I only put in enough force to unbalance her, rather than complete the technique. Or, that's what I thought. Unfortunately, my wife obviously retained more martial training than I realized. You see, once it's inevitable that someone throw you, you want to resist as little as possible since it then requires your attacker to use less force, and you go down more gently. Naturally, however, untrained people do resist, so I put the the technique on with this assumption in mind. My wife, being the cunning woman she is (and thinking, perhaps, that she could sue for compensation), subsequently failed to resist at all—and I nearly cracked the back of her head on the kitchen floor before I managed to catch her.
Let this be a warning to you all.
Marriage is a gamble. You don't know how it will turn out. But in the providence of God, if you're conscientious in your choice of a mate, and if you're a conscientious spouse, then some good will come of your marriage. Some otherwise unobtainable good. For example, sometimes it's the blessing of children–even if things sour between husband and wife.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a maturing experience. I hear some Christians object to getting married young because young folks lack the maturity for married life. Well, that may be true. But there's a catch. Nothing prepares you for marriage quite like marriage itself. There's no substitute for martial experience to prepare you for marriage.
I agree with you 100%, Steve. My comment should have been more fleshed out, for sure. But when I initially read your post, as a single person, that was my first thought. Of course, part of that is because I do tend to be a "glass half empty" person by nature, so naturally, the number of potential downsides is what jumped out at me at first.
But I do think there is a kind of unhealthy apprehension among Christian singles in this day and time toward marriage. Everyone seems to want it, but the church is full of Christian singles that struggle to go out and dates and find a spouse. They spend a great many of their days and even years longing for it, but never find it, for one reason or another.
I really think that part of it is due to the fact that we are all keenly aware of the scenarios you mentioned above, and the number of negative possibilities that exist. We are all afraid of being "trapped" in a marriage with a spouse we can't stand. And in an age where the divorce rate is so high and the church has been guilty of tolerating it for so long, nobody wants to be one of the statistics. So I think this causes Christian singles to endlessly scrutinize a potential spouse, and often times hold them to a standard that is impossible to reach. This is true in regards to not just the person's character, but also things like their physical appearance, interests, career aspirations, etc. If the person does not meet this standard, then the marriage will not work, or at best will be strained and unhappy eventually. The idea seems to be that people get divorced simply because they marry the wrong person, rather than because they don't know how to forgive, or don't know how to make love mean anything more than warm, fuzzy feelings for someone.
I base all of this, at least in part, upon the numerous accounts and experiences I have had among the singles community, including hearing conversations about the reasons why so-and-so broke up with so-and-so, or why Billy is not interested in Suzie, etc. I am also a Christian single myself, and so I am not trying to exempt myself from criticism. But those are my thoughts.
It may be a cliche, but it's often said that this generation is wary of marriage because so many young people are the product of broken homes.
ReplyDeleteOn a related note, it may be that a lot contemporary Christians are wary of marriage because they don't feel they can just play the marriage card in case they find themselves stuck in an unhappy marriage.
ReplyDeleteWhich seems like a vicious cycle really.
ReplyDeleteTrue. One has to take a risk.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm the only one who doesn't know this answer, but I'm curious enough to ask it (and I hope it doesn't come across as impudent because there's no intent whatsoever to be impudent or rude):
ReplyDeleteSteve, are you married?
If you don't want to answer, that's okay too. I was just curious.
TUAD,
ReplyDeleteThat's not something I discuss in public. When I talk about wife #6, that makes wife #7 jealous. And when I talk about wife #7, that makes wife #6 jealous. You know how it goes. So, in the interests of marital harmony, it often best to say nothing at all.
Any plans on doing any additional posts on marriage? It's a subject I'm interested in, even though I'm 22 and can barely talk to girls.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a gamble
ReplyDeleteYes, it is, a bit like Russian roulette....
Steve if a Christian remain single on earth until death, is there a possibility that he will get married in heaven?
ReplyDeleteLonelyBoy,
ReplyDeleteThough you didn't ask me, IMO, I think it's possible and maybe even probable due mainly to how marriage was instituted. The first thing I note is that in a perfect world where there was no sin at all, God still said it was "not good" for Adam to be alone. And He specifically demonstrated the what Adam needed wasn't another animal--he needed a woman comparable to him. Further, this was Adam's need before the mandate to "be fruitful and multiply" which means, IMO, the relationship between a husband and wife is more essential than just procreation and for the sake of children.
If the new heavens and new earth are going to be like Eden, then I don't see why men and women would suddenly not need a helper corresponding to each other.
(Note: I assume you've already read Steve's take on Jesus's statement that we shall be like the angels, etc. so we don't need to discuss that here. If said assumption is wrong, I blame Bush.)