God in the dock

God in the dock

Helen Thomas,
AP reporter

Impeachment proceedings against the Omnipotent began today in the House of Hellions. This follows on the heels of a widely reported wiretap scandal, which began when Richard Dawkins detected suspicious clicks and pops on the line after he took a collect call from Beelzebub.

A subsequent investigation uncovered the fact that heaven had a covert policy of warrantless wiretaps. It monitors all communications emanating from the dark side to sympathizers here below.

Beelzebub, after consulting with the law firm of Clark, Clovenhoof, Apollyon, & Associates, brought suit in the World Court of the Unter-Haag for crimes against inhumanity.

In his brief, Ramsey Clark charged the Omnipotent with abuse of office by violating the terms of the Fiendish Conventions.

Mr. Clark further accused the Omnipotent of undermining the Stygian system of check and balances. “It amounts,” he said, “to an Almighty-makes-right position. The Omnipotent is playing God!”

Since, however, the Omnipotent enjoys diplomatic immunity, it is necessary to impeach him and remove him from high office before he can be extradited to the Unter-Haag to stand trial for infringing on the civil rights of Pandemonic citizenry.

For heaven’s part, the angel Gabriel, speaking on behalf of the Omnipotent, denied the universal jurisdiction of the Unter-Haag, and justified the surveillance program on the grounds that covert counterintelligence was a necessary tool in the war between Good and Evil. “Without these infernal intercepts,” he said, “we would be fighting blind.”