L’Osservatore Romano
The first day of the conclave was a boisterous affair. There
was frenzy in St. Peter’s Square when the BBC erroneously reported the election
of a new pope. The report quickly spread to other news outlets, and went viral
on Internet within seconds.
A half hour later, the BBC retracted the claim. According to
the retraction, a Swiss Guard thought he overheard Cardinal Dolan exclaim
“Habemus Papam!” during lunch break. As it turns out, Cardinal Dolan actually
told a caterer, “I’ll have a pop.”
In another news, an imposter was ejected from the conclave.
According to Italian authorities, the imposter was a man named Dave Armstrong
from Detroit, Michigan. Authorities found a receipt from a Roman costume shop in
his pocket.
Mr. Armstrong aroused suspicion in the conclave when he
addressed various cardinals in Pig Latin and spent inordinate amounts of time
gazing at himself in a cosmetic mirror.
Mr. Armstrong was quite irate as police handcuffed him and
hustled him off into a nearby paddy wagon, shouting to the throngs in St.
Peter’s Square, “I am the pope! I’m the real pope! Let’s make it official!”
To top it off, police discovered Cardinal George, bound,
gagged, and attired in his long johns, in the basement of Meryl Streep’s
Salisbury, Connecticut residence.
According to her maid, Miss Streep, an outspoken feminist,
was plotting to infiltrate the conclave and get herself elected the first
female pontiff in a thousand years. Her recent role as Sis. Aloysius Beauvier
was preparatory for the top job.
Knowing Steep’s thespian ability to impersonate anyone,
Vatican officials asked TSA to loan them full body scans to forestall a
disastrous replay of the Pope Joan mishap.
I don't think it's very Christian to make fun of people.
ReplyDeleteWell, as far as that goes, you might be interested in checking out Doug Wilson's A Serrated Edge: A Brief Defense of Biblical Satire and Trinitarian Skylarking. See this interview for instance.
DeleteSeems to me that Elijah was ok with mocking the priests of Baal. Jesus had no problem mocking Herod.
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Thanks
ReplyDelete